Who Is Anastasia?

My photo
New Castle, Indiana Zone 5, United States
When I was 55, I decided to embrace the things I love and hold precious and dear - regardless of anyone else's thoughts and opinion. I am a folk artist who loves flowers - my own flowers, grown by me. I love good, hearty, exotic foods, and I love to prepare them myself. I love the secret garden situated in my backyard, regardless of how junky it gets. No longer able to afford a vacation, this will have to be it for the time being. In the winter months, I still enjoy it. Anyway, here I am sharing my art, favorite recipes, cocktails, gardening tips, and just my usual vents and bantering. After all, I'm old enough to say whatever the heck I want to now ... Oh, the two pictures below are NOT of my garden, although the one with the pink French doors looks very much like the backyard I grew up with. I am searching for pictures of that wonderful place and will post soon.

JEWELS OF MY SOUL

JEWELS OF MY SOUL
My Book Available on AMAZON

Stacey Torres ART Prints

Stacey Torres ART Prints
A very limited selection of reproductions from my paintings can be found here

July 23, 2015

Where Do I Go When ...

Some days we just have to face it -- life can be a challenge. In my case, yesterday was a roller coaster - a fusion of joy, fun, compassion, anger, frustration, more anger, relief, comfort and then trepidation ... all in one day. What's up with that?

As I get older, I am constantly learning new ways to decompress, regenerate, and de-stress without destroying. So, yesterday, I found a spot in my secret garden (at home), where I sat in silence and solitude for several hours. There, I was able to breathe, clear my head, create some art, and cry ... and cry ... and cry.

Two days ago, I received an annual piece of mail - the one that comes from the County Assessor that gives you the current assessed value of your home. It comes every year. Only this time, it was addressed to me. I have not stopped crying yet (except for a brief hour or two spent with two girlfriends having lunch yesterday). It was the sudden shock value of seeing it - the finality of it - the surreal reality of it - the fears. Here it was in my hand, and it was real. It also meant that my mother and dad are truly gone. My mother passed six months ago, and he died 17 years ago. I never expected these emotions to overwhelm me. So, it's mine now. What do I do? How do I fix it? I'm tired, confused, and clearly in over my head ... The symbolism that they are gone from me. The grief has come back like gang busters.

2 comments:

  1. Wow! I just posted then it didn't save so I hope I can say what I previously said. I understand your emotions I think when realizing the finality that both parents are gone. I wish I had some great insights but I don't. I just know that our parents must have felt the same as their parents before them. Somehow they went on and we will too! You're right about life being a challenge. At my age I've decided to be thankful I have the opportunity to wake up each day and meet my challenges with as much grace and joy as possible. I'm not sure I have any other real choice.

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    Replies
    1. Well, you know, I truly understand that. We've all been down this path; yet it always feels like no one else has done it, or understands it like we do. I guess that's human nature. Thank you so much for your dedication and friendship, Deborah. It means so much to me. All the best.

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I would love to hear from you regarding this post. Please feel free to leave your comments. All the best, Anastasia a/k/a Stacey

The Backyard --Today's Vacation Spot

The Backyard --Today's Vacation Spot
A simple garden meal in the shade. No, it's not my backyard, but it looks identical to the one I grew up with at our home in Queens. Looking for an original pic of it to post soon!

Old Fashioned Tips