Where to begin?
On this Third Day of Christmas, while me three French hens are
a-stewin', I must take some time to reflect upon what's next for me
on life's road. No, I'm not going to make or discuss New Year's
resolutions, as I don't believe in them. Short, attainable goals are
fine. But resolving to do this or that in a world where we promises
are not guaranteed, is fruitless, and sets us up for added pressure
and stress. However, we do have control over our motivation to get to
our destiny.
If you know me
well, or at least keep up with me on social media, you will know my
mantra; Keep Walking! This can mean a lot of things to different
people. When I first started randomly posting these two simple words
on Facebook and Twitter, I would include an image of a pair of shoes
– often very beautiful, elaborate shoes in order to get one's
attention. However, most people were more interested in the shoes
(“where can I buy them?”) than the humble little message. Keep
Walking. So, I stopped the shoe pictures, and folks stopped “liking”
the posts. They didn't get it. It merely means Keep Walking (towards
your destiny).
Before you can
keep walking, you must know where you want your life to go. I was
told to reach for the moon, because if you fail, you'll still land
among the stars. The idea is to keep it moving, no matter how many
obstacles, pain, detours and confusion may be on your life's road. If
we stand still, and keep looking back at our failures, heartaches and
losses, we will never see the gifts ahead of us. We will never know
the tiny blessings that add to the richness of our life. We will have
missed our bus, and thus, have to keep walking anyway.
I could look
back and dwell upon the tragedies on my road this year; the loss of
my mother; the trauma of financial breakdown; the humbling things I
had to do in order to survive; the inability to manage my life and
take care of basic responsibilities most of us take for granted,
like, keeping utilities on or maintaining a running car; and
ultimately, a life threatening illness I will continue to manage the
rest of my life. I could; but, why? I'm not the only one who has lost
a loved one this year, became destitute or sick. There are always
those who have it worse than others, and some worse than them.
In September, I
wrote about how I had found the love of my life and how vibrant the
future looked. What I did not write about in October, was how quickly
that love changed to revelations of a hopeless situation. Oddly
enough, while it was painful, it was not excruciating. And, despite
it all, my gratitude for 10 weeks of happiness I would not have had
otherwise, over powered my disappointment. I chose to get up and keep
walking.
It's true, when
you are dying, your life does pass before your eyes. In my case,
while I was in the hospital, mine passed before me in an endless
parade of visions and memories. My hardships were the last thing on
my mind. Instead, I saw the wonderful blessings, experiences and
opportunities that I was granted this year.
My mother was gone, but she left me a legacy of laughter – she was one of the funniest people I ever knew. She taught me to stop and think clearly, and that it was better to look towards the future and be prepared; rather than look back with regrets. She taught me to forgive, even if forgetting is harder. She taught me to poach an age when I was 56, and how to tell the difference between good gin and bad. She taught me to never give up my faith, and to NEVER let anyone ever walk on me or block my view. She taught me to keep walking.
My mother was gone, but she left me a legacy of laughter – she was one of the funniest people I ever knew. She taught me to stop and think clearly, and that it was better to look towards the future and be prepared; rather than look back with regrets. She taught me to forgive, even if forgetting is harder. She taught me to poach an age when I was 56, and how to tell the difference between good gin and bad. She taught me to never give up my faith, and to NEVER let anyone ever walk on me or block my view. She taught me to keep walking.
While I worried
about how I would make ends meet, my creativity began to blossom, and
a new passion for my life long love of art bloomed once more. I
quickly learned how to redirect this passion into a possible way to
generate income. But, more importantly, other people's love and
appreciation for my painting validated me as an artist, but also my
worth as a person. Having my paintings shown on television was one
thing. But what touched my heart was all of my friends – and people
I didn't even know – who cheered me on and encouraged me – to
keep walking.
Through these
steps on my life's road, I was discovered by those in a larger art
community, who gave me the opportunity to exhibit with them
throughout Indianapolis, and more recently in other larger cities.
And, as my friend and mentor, Salkis Re (a California artist) told
me, my tribe will find me. But, I also have to put forth the effort
to find them. So, I keep walking.
Also, the gift
of writing – to share my feelings and experiences with you here –
have led to the publication of my new book; something I had put off
for years.
My health threw
me for a loop. I still have haunting feelings about how close to
death I actually was – even though I did not feel I was in such
danger at the time. Because I felt the power of my God and my
ancestors with me. They kept telling me to fight, take control of my
health – learn about my illness and grab it by it's mane, and get
the heck back on track. I saved myself because I kept walking.
If we look upon
our disabilities, we will never see our strengths or growth. I know I
will have moments of sadness and fear throughout the coming year(s);
we ALL will. But, if we hold onto the good stuff – it's in there,
if you look close – it will become easier and we will become
stronger.
A friend lost
an infant child many years ago. She never got over that, and asked me
recently why God took her baby. I don't know the answer to that.
Maybe he saved that child from years of unspeakable pain and
suffering. Did you lose the job you had for 15 years? How else would
you have been able to walk into the career of your dreams that you
now have, had you not been freed from your limitations? Was your car
towed while you ran into the dry cleaners? Had it not been, perhaps
you would have been involved in that fatal car accident two blocks
away 10 minutes later. We don't know these things. It's not for us to
know. But it is our responsibility to KEEP WALKING towards our
destiny – toward 2016 – and all the riches and blessings to come.
Bad things happen to all of us; and so do good things. Cherish those
things and those people around you. It's been said many times before
that yesterday has passed, but today is a gift; that's why it's
called The Present.
Please, keep
walking.
